Crime Doesn’t Pay     
Notes to "Imitation Krab Waltz" by Scott Downie    



Of course, the IKW was inspired by the numerable Schubert waltzes. [Until the damnable bookkeeper Otto Erich Deutsch appeared on the scene, Schubert’s waltzes were a more poetically apt “innumerable.”] Not content to attempt to conjure up the memory of Schubert with this ditty, I intend to rip Schubert off in wholesale fashion by reworking a section from his opera “Alfonso und Estrella” as another entry in the S4 sweepstakes. [I thumb my nose in the general direction of the Copyright Police! HA!!] Alas, since I have to serve as librettist, orchestra and choir, I probably won’t finish recording “Stille, Freunde, seht euch vor!” within many of your lifetimes.

By now, you’re probably asking yourself, “So if this is karaoke, where are the words I’m to sing?” Right here!


I think I’ll grab Imitation Krab dip today.
Wheat Thins go with Imitation Krab very well.
Utensils are not required
To wolf down this tasty snack.
Contains lots of calories.
That’s why I’M SO FAT!!!!!!


There you go. Follow the lilting beat!